Got a light?

My favorite poem about smoking by one of my favorite poets Billy Collins. Guess this poem only applies to the devout smokers such as myself and Lady Benz and to (hack-hack) excuse me (haria)....

The Best Cigarette

There are many that I miss
having sent my last one out a car window
sparking along the road one night, years ago.

The heralded one, of course:
after sex, the two glowing tips
now the lights of a single ship;
at the end of a long dinner
with more wine to come
and a smoke ring coasting into the chandelier;
or on a white beach,
holding one with fingers still wet from a swim.

How bittersweet these punctuations
of flame and gesture;
but the best were on those mornings
when I would have a little something going
in the typewriter,
the sun bright in the windows,
maybe some Berlioz on in the background.
I would go into the kitchen for coffee
and on the way back to the page,
curled in its roller,
I would light one up and feel
its dry rush mix with the dark taste of coffee.

Then I would be my own locomotive,
trailing behind me as I returned to work
little puffs of smoke,
indicators of progress,
signs of industry and thought,
the signal that told the nineteenth century
it was moving forward.
That was the best cigarette,
when I would steam into the study
full of vaporous hope
and stand there,
the big headlamp of my face
pointed down at all the words in parallel lines.

-Billy Collins, Sailing around the room alone

"Laughed and made love and were born and died"

"I remember in college listening to a professor explain that many painters chose colors that were in fact far more muted than the actual, outside world. The real world's palette was much closer to a sunny Monet than to a pallid Pissarro. It was as though painters were afraid to be so bright, so exposed, so opened to criticism. This always struck me as it relatd to fiction writing. In the real world, experience and passion are intense. People loved intensely, grieved intensely, laughed and made love and born and died, and all of it was pretty intense. Yet so many modern novels seemed to miss that--even to deny it. In modern fiction everything was distant and intellectualized. Relationships started and ended and you sighed, yes yes, so true, and the book was over."

-Dan Allan, author of Lisa33

"It Signifies a Search for Truth, for Enlightenment, at the same Time."

Hello Brother D,

*smiles*

It was such an interesting dream. I have been going through your blogs regularly and I found this just before I left for work. Because of Ramadan it's quite a sleepy place right now and activity is low so it gives me time :)

First of all amazing dream. I must say it is definitely interesting to find someone else dreaming about someone who's like their 'universal dual'. I'll try to decipher this dream to the best of my abilities. Here goes.

" Perhaps you are not getting enough love in your active life which is usually what dreaming of falling in love signifies. Also more importantly it signifies a union. A union of both the masculine and feminine aspects of yourself. However as I read I really do feel there's the strong element of union in the dream.Passion runs through you deep and you accept it [the hot lesbians] and you find that you are trying to find out who you are as a writer and develop your Self through this process[the workshop]. Her presence there makes it seem as if you are at peace and finding a harmonious co-existence between what she represents and what you are. I believe she is your eternal muse. She wouldn't have a name as yet perhaps but most definitely as you find yourself exploring the creative realms of this existence she is connected to you by the base of your existence. Basically it shows in ways that writing is your essence and this 'muse' is an integral part of you. It also shows how you have come to be at peace with her.

However you may not be happy at all in reality hence her presence in your dreams to compensate for the lack of it in the awake state.The presence of a swimming pool shows your need for love and that you'll only be happy when you truly find it. You find yourself re-evaluating your relationships with people close to you. Perhaps you find Uncle Mike to be at the centre of all this and you realize that things around you might be changing in ways and also that you might actually be doing all you can to please him.

People you come across are opening up to you in ways that you probably don't understand. You feel that almost everyone is falling in love or finding a sort of peace in ways. People around you moving into it faster and faster, but you are slowly finding a sort of peace with your muse. It feels as if you in the process of seeking harmony with your elusive muse you don't mind what the world does. While with her you are comfortable with who you are in society keeping your clothes on, and you don't really need to change.

It could be that you still see the side of yourself when you were a child coming back. The innocence returning in ways. The person youwere would've surely grown up to be just like your father was. It's as if a part of yourself realizes it and realizes that there has in someways been a diversion of paths but you are comfortable with it.

However you also find yourself increasingly dependant and there isalso an explicit need for a fatherly figure showing in ways in the dream.

The dream shows that there is a recognition and approval for your harmonious existence. You and your dual are getting recognized by people you don't know and people you come across. It also is helping you come to a sort of peace. This aspect of the dream is quite literal and you do find yourself surprised that you get support and recognition from people you don't see on a day to day basis.

However as the dream progresses it seems as if you are being torn apart from what you truly love as you progress with life. You are returning to where you began from on this journey and it's taking youacross a turning point of your life. I'm not sure how much of this is true but it seems though that there is going to be a major change in your life and you do sense it. It's interesting how the previous dream and this dream both point to that. A major change and progressing in this change seems to be taking you away from what you are recognized for
actually be doing all you can to please him. People you come across are opening up to you in ways that you probably don't understand. You feel that almost everyone is falling in love or finding a sort of peace in ways. People around you moving into it faster and faster but you are slowly finding a sort of peace with your muse.

It feels as if you in the process of seeking harmony with your elusive muse you don't mind what the world does. While with her you are comfortable with who you are in society [keeping your clothes on] and you don't really need to change. It could be that you still see the side of yourself when you were a child coming back. The innocence returning in ways. The person you were or would've surely grown up to be just like your father was. It's as if a part of yourself realizes it and realizes that there has in someways been a diversion of paths but you are comfortable with it.

However you also find yourself increasingly dependant and there is also an explicit need for a fatherly figure showing in ways in the dream. The dream shows that there is a recognition and approval for your harmonious existence. You and your dual are getting recognized by people you don't know and people you come across. It also is helping you come to a sort of peace. This aspect of the dream is quite literal and you do find yourself surprised that you get support and recognition from people you don't see on a day to day basis.

However as the dream progresses it seems as if you are being torn apart from what you truly love as you progress with life. You are returning to where you began from on this journey and it's taking you across a turning point of your life. I'm not sure how much of this is true but it seems though that there is going to be a major change inyour life and you do sense it.

It's interesting how the previous dreamand this dream both point to that. A major change and progressing in this change seems to be taking you away from what you are recognized for.

However it also signifies a search for the truth, for enlightenment at the same time. Perhaps what you love is going to change in ways and you'll find it as you quest for it. As you progress along this path you tend to rebel less and give into most poeple's wishes and sometimes it would be painful but you still proceed. It does seem thatin the process of searching for her or rather what she represents [which seems to me to be your creative muse] that you are struggling and lack confidence in pursuing the path and it also does seem to be keeping you grounded and on your feet.

As you progress on your quest you find that there's an exuding strength in ways growing in you, but at the same time you find yourself bound. However the binds do seem to be growing weaker and your spirit growing in strength."

This is definitely another amazing dream. I must say that you have been having really powerful dreams. Perhaps you are undergoing a majortransformation of sorts from within. Only one can say how it is. I do hope that this interpretation was satisfactory. *smiles* somehow I feel there's much more to be said but I have to look into it deeper.In case I find something more which I feel I will. I'll get back to you :)

take care my friend and may peace find a home in your heart,

Always Aashiq

Gonzo Fiddles while George Burns......

Shhhhhhh.....I found out that just today, my muppet-grooving classical musician composing cool boss Squirrel just started a blog.

http://squirrelystew.blogspot.com

Make sure to drop by and tell him how cool and loyal of a worker you think David is on the Reserves desk!!!!!

Don't Forget!!!

Uncle Mike's giving a lecture a week from today, Wed 20th at the house of Worship in Wilmette at 2 in the afternoon. If you happen to be lolling around Chicago and environs feel free to stop by and harangue. My hair isn't as long as it use to be but I'm still rather easy to pinpoint.....

....oh, and I feel extremely selfish asking this but keep me in your prayers. My boss thinks that my rashes may be staph infection (!!!!!)...there's been outbreak here in P-town and you know me, gregarious lad that I am.......daniela, I'm just gald we decided not to make out last night! *smiles*

...When Credit is due.

Here's ACE's kick-ass analysis of my dream!!!!!!!!

"Dream Interpretation:Well it's interesting that you see a log cabin because that in itselfyou're undergoing a transformation of sorts, it's mostly uunconsciousand that you're moving towards a self-reliant, independant yet humblemove. I guess it being built means you've just transformed to thisphase and that it feels positive.It's like a period of ill health, depression and the like are gettingover in ways and there's a pleasant positive change.In ways the woman basically shows that you're being slowly nurtured asyou seek escape from the past in ways and find that you need theemotional nourishment which you are getting from this person who couldbe yourself or the expression of your ideal person at its purest andmost refined.

This dream shows several elements of harmony and peace in fact it doesshow that you are quite happy in the current situation and happyenough to seek for more knowledge and let it out in the open foreveryone to see. For it is part of the quest.As you proceed on this journey you get a whiff of the sought afterspiritual enlightment in ways and aware and more in search of thetruth than ever. However you get this in small doses rather than inmuch bigger ones and at the same time there's an aspect of yourselfwhere you look back into the past as you move forward.

It sounds as if you realize the peace and harmony in your life.Perhaps she is your creative essence and she holds you onto thisessence of existence as you find yourself travelling across thiswonderful path. Your dream's intro show way too much signs of harmonyand contentment as if you have gotten over certain demons of the pastand are finally in a state of peaceful nourishment as you seek thetruth.

I think perhaps that you are feeling a sense of being torn fromeverything that you were used to, things that you had accepted in thepast and finding a peaceful communion with this being. It stronglydoes feel as if she is an element of yourself that seeks unity withyou. Perhaps your muse in terms of creativity. It feel so since shegets you to read and what you perceive as you do so. However as you doso a part of yourself, the active aware self, finds itself morevulnerable than ever because you are exposing yourself.

You find yourself thrown out of your comfortable shelter where you'dnestled where you'd once perhaps found harmony and now you're out ofall that and vulnerable. As you find yourself vulnerable you perhapsfeel that you are facing adverse situations and it threatens the veryexistence of that side of yourself you so wish to nurture. The side ofyourself that you feel needs nurture. Bears signify obstacles but theycan also be death and renewal. So it could be that in ways you arepreventing a type of renewal by trying to nurture what is.This obstacle of a creature obviously is testing your own commitmentto yourself, the side of yourself that you so need nurturing and triesto destroy it by destroying your commitment to your pursuits or youravoidance of certain pleasures[this is what the genitals rep.] and youface this obstacle and beat it and obtain a victory, a personalvictory.

However as it does you become whole, they no longer exist for theyboth represent aspects of yourself that has come and gone. Perhaps inyour quest to save a side of yourself you have unknowingly destroyedit. Perhaps it was necessary, perhaps not.However you realize it's absence and it leaves you feeling a bit'cold'. You are experiencing a major breakthrough there, but thelasting appeal of it perhaps depends on whether you can remaindetached from it or not.It's interesting that you feel isolated and alone literally in yourdream because that is what cold usually means. But perhaps you havelost a bit of yourself that you used to identify with and the loss ofit makes you feel lonely within but not the sense of loneliness thatone would usually associate with the word[I wonder if I am makingsense].This is a very powerful dream. I wonder how you must be feeling afteryou dreamt it."

Thanx again for your analysis, ACE. 'Yup, all the cool people congregate around daniela. Just goes to show why her blogshare is through the roof....

"We are the music makers and we are the dreamers of a single dream."
-Wily Wonka

Stainglass Invite

Readers of the Recital residing in the Chicago area are more than welcome to attend an upcoming lecture given by Uncle Mike WED, Oct 20th at the Baha'i House of Worship in Wilmette at I believe 2 pm. Uncle Mike is a delicious, insightful story-teller. He seems to take as much joy in communicating with the individual audience as he does in relaying delightful anecdotes coated with spiritual manna. His lecture is supposed to be corrleated with a musical number so it should be intriguing. For more info feel free to gmail me or contact the house of worship.

Also, if you attend and notice a short-haired lad lurking in the corner, don't hesitate to harangue and say h'llo.

What we Love most, We Grow to Resemble

After I wrote about the notorious "Megan Mara" last weekend I felt free. People who know me know that I love writing and have written a couple of shitty manuscripts and have sacrificied alot (mostly materialistic merit--no brand names for this luddite) to try to make ends meet while still trying to write the best I can everyday. When My girl Arya told me that bloggin' rivaled smoking as a wonderful, magicful vice that will make you cool because "everyone's doing it these days," I was immediately hooked after my first drag and spent the whole summer exhaling my smoky thoughts into a cyberlaced ashtray. I try to keep bloggin' separate from my novels, screenplays and books (yeah right) and I mainly blogg because I feel a special, mystical rapport with those who regularly visit my Internet apartment, lounging around with their feet up on my confessional coffee table while simultaneously fueling my creative flame.

Last weekend I spontaneously stumbled upon "Mara Megan's" photograph on-line and I wrote about her. As with any creative endeavor, the artist is more or less only a filter; all the refulgent glory and harsh experience this amazing life we lead entails pours through the imagination and fingertips of the "artist," and he tries to make sense of the crazy world through sentences and sound, through music and movement.

Everyone who has been in love knows exactly what it's like to see a picture of that goddess you once lived for who is no longer answering your prayers. By it's definition Love involves a physical exertion and a spiritual giving; sometimes pouring every emotional-riddled cell out of your body, into the ocean of another person's heart awards the Lover only with a saddled feeling of loneliness and failure.

What's amzing is that we still love. No matter how many emotional welts and romantic bruises we've doctored up in the past, we still accumulate the courage to reach down into that corner of our soul that is still capable of giving; that abandoned dusty, cobwebbed festooned corner of our psyche that is still capable of somehow connecting with other human beings and pouring everything that is inside of us out for the health and nourishment of another person.

Seems like this semester perfectly mirros the foreheads of previous lovers. I'm trying to do too much. I'm swinging the bat furiously over the plate before the ball has even left the captured palm of the pitcher. Everything I turn in the prof's seem to like at first and then they tilt their head in a vexing, rusty windmill reminiscent fashion, as if they are overtly baffled at what I am trying to say. This hurts, but naturally, I suck it up. Work late hours. Try not too smoke too much (ditto on the 'yeah right)......I think Whitman called it right-on, well over a century ago.

"I once loved a certain person ardently and my love was not returned
out of that I have written these songs."

After I blogged about Mara last week I somehow understood this: Every girl that is awarded a mystical slant on my left palm has heavily settled inside my chest like a granite anchor. Last weekend, after blogging about Mara's delicious tongue kisses, it sudenly felt like all that cement I had stowed up in various vectors of my heart had finally chipped away. That the cement wings were finally able to offer a little flap in the dierction of the sun at dusk.

I love writing and I love the activity of swirling words into a freightrain sentence. But last weekend, bam, I felt free, I felt unfettered. I felt like finally, I kissed a punctuation mark on the perfect forehead of a past love.

So we continue to throw ourselved into the shadow of our crazy lives. As Fitzgerald notes at the end of Gatsby, "Tomorrow we will run faster, stretch out our arms further…And one fine morning - So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past."


...PEACE